Saturday, April 3, 2010


Im here now in this moment
But pain threatens to torment
I push it back and take it in
Cause my strength is growing thin

And so i'll slow dance in the rain
To forget the gnawing pain
Let each droplet awaken
Parts of me that were taken

The cold reminds me i am here
Whisks away each doubt and fear
Forget my worries, forget why
Forget the tears, cause now i am alive

The rain bursts on my face
Creating a liquid lace
It flows down and drips
Softly beats against my lips

Look up to the dangerous sky
With arms open, ready, wide
Toes in the soft new mud
In my veins I feel fresh blood

Each second that passes by
Leaves me struggling not to cry
So i force upon a smile
just to keep it there a while

Soon, I'm not pretending
My heart, it's really mending
The rain creates a feeling
brings me to my knees I'm kneeling

God has made it within
Within me to live
To not give up or leave
The purpose soon i'll see

He carries me, sends the rain
hands me a smile to conquer the pain
My heart is broken and yet i sing
Gives me hope to fix my wings

Water mist dances with me
flows around with peace
Its melodious ways
an illusion, yet it stays

The water in the air
dissipates my cares
why even bother being hurt
When my attention, i can divert

And so i chase the rain
slow dancing with out my pain
It feels like I'm finally free
Just how I imagined i would be

Friday, April 2, 2010

Dramatic or Dying? Part II

So, I don't really know what else to say. I feel like I had so much in my head, and all the thoughts just crashed together and now they don't make any sense at all. Sooo frustrating.
Well I guess I'll just say this.

If some one is obviously in pain, don't just say they're being dramatic for expressing it. You never know how much it's really killing them. Christians especially, should be mindful of this. We are to love everyone, and show grace. So next time some one is expressing pain, don't tell them to cover it up. Hiding pain only makes it worse. Way worse. You never know when you could be the one to make a difference in how they handle their situation. My experience, has always been people telling me to ignore the pain, just get over it and move on. Leaving it un-addressed, and not taken care of. I've been told I'm just being dramatic. And yes, I admit, I am dramatic some times. More than I should be, really. Part of that is who I am though. It needs to be controlled, and I'm working on that. Part of it also comes from being more Poetic in nature too. I think of things in more creative, and artistic terms than some do. Which makes it difficult to relate to those who don't think the way I do. Which is fine, everyone thinks differently. That is a good thing! God gave everyone different minds for a reason. Everyone is "wired" in a different way. And each person's way of thinking reflects back Who God is. I'm not saying that truth and standards are relative. Cause they aren't. A way to explain it would be with the example of computers. Every computer runs differently. Yet they all function within a system. There is a certain way a computer must run for it to actually work. But there are many different variations of programs that run on the computer, that best fit the user's needs. Just like we are all "computers" let's say. God installed in each of us our own operating system. Each one is what the User, God, needs that Person to do. So.... Yeah, back to what I was saying about thinking poetically. (Haha, huggee rabbit trail). When I express things in a more poetic way, it can be hard to relate to for some person, and often gets labeled as drama. So I need to take more caution in that, and control what I say and do, as not to offend anyone.
Point being: Drama and Dying, are two different things.

Note*- Wow That post was totally unorganized and everywhere. I need to work on becoming more precise with my points. Haha :P

Dramatic or Dying? Part I

Drama, it's a common thing in most everyone's life. But how can you tell when some one is just being dramatic, or if they really are in emotional pain? It's definitely a very delicate subject.

I've had a lot of experience with drama all my life. Much of it has been very, very un-needed. I've found that most the time, it comes from simple boredom. When you're surrounded by drama that needs to be "taken care of", you have very little time to think about much else of anything. So consequently, it takes up your time and distracts your mind from thinking about other things. Which is why people create drama. It is sooo much easier to think about petty drama than to think about real matters, in real life. So where is the line defining Drama and Dying?

By "Dying", I mean drowning in emotional pain. When you're so hurt, so broken, you feel each piece of you slipping away. You're really disappearing. I've experienced this a lot in my life too. I have been through a lot more than most people. I'm not saying this in self pity, or to evoke sympathy, it's just the truth. I think that "Dying" gets so often labeled as "Drama", mainly by people who cannot comprehend real Pain. People that do not understand what the "dying" person is really going through. So whenever this person expresses their pain, it gets shut down as drama. Of course, there are appropriate and inappropriate times and places to express the pain. But it needs to be expressed nonetheless. If some one is making their pain known, it may or may not just be for attention. When you hold the pain inside, it only gets worse.

Well, to sum it up: Drama is essentially creating needless situations that only cause hurt. Dying is being hurt, and just expressing it. It really does depend on the motives of the person though.

This post is kind of all over the place, so I'll write more on the subject later. Haha, cause right now it's time to eaaatt:]


Well. Hello.
I created this blog to help track my thoughts. I think about deep things... a lot. Maybe too much. When you meet me, I won't seem like the type of person that really takes things seriously. The truth is though, that's just a cover up. The thoughts my own mind comes up with, are scary. So I done the appearance of a normal, has-it-together, 16 year old, American Teenager. There are very few who know who I really am. Even then, no one really does know. The only person to ever really know the essence of who I am, the only person that ever understood me, is gone. Temporarily or permanatly, I do not know. That is up to God. So now I struggle with facing myself. I don't like what I see. Not physically, more personality wise. I see a lot in myself that I need to change. I can only do it with My God's help. Oh, my Lord! He is everything to me. I love Him with a passion. I wish you all could know Him! He keeps me breathing. Hopefully, this blog will help me understand myself a little better. I have a journal, which I love, but it gets tedious to write down everything my mind comes up with. Typing is just simply easier.

How often I will post, I do not know. Maybe many times a day, maybe once a week.
We'll see.